


coconut skins

by brandywine421



Series: Unrelated Fluffy AUs [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, Multi, Parent Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-04-27 11:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14424699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: The war was over and he wasn't dead. He had a second chance, or a third one depending on how he counted it on any particular morning."He wants to see you, too," Sharon added.Steve sighed turned to face her with a sigh, unfurling his loose fists at his sides. "I'm not upset because he didn't send a fruit basket, Agent Carter, I'm upset because he's been working as a spy for allegedly 70 years or so without a life of his own, but sure, onyourword, I shouldn't worry at all."She blanched in surprise but after a long moment, raised an eyebrow and smiled. "You should probably see more of his records, I'll see what I can get cleared to share with you. Trust me, his continued employment is completely voluntary."*(Relative to the character tags, be aware this is a kid-fic and is AU for everything because Bucky was foundwaybefore Cap got defrosted & both things happened earlier than MCU canon.)*





	1. teaser

**Author's Note:**

> I am seriously not ready for IW so I tried to write some fluff. 17,000 words later, I'm still not ready. So here's another rambling AU. Pairings will vary as we tumble along because Cap should always have someone available for hugs and fade to black cut scenes.
> 
> Steve doesn't want to work for SHIELD. So he decides to get some kids. Something like that with cats.
> 
> This story contains the following in no particular order: Kids, cats, ninjas, polyamory, spies, church, kids & cats, philandering, bad math, ninja cats, fluffy hijinks, ninja kids, yolo.
> 
> Enter at your own risk, this is a fluff zone. 
> 
> (There's a lot of this and this doesn't even hint at the main family unit. I mean, there aren't even cats in the first few chapters. There should always be cats.)

_You can wait for ages_  
_Watch your compost turn to coal_  
_Time is contagious_  
_Everybody's getting old_

 

 

"I wonder if it would make a difference if he was living on a farm somewhere with a bunch of grandkids like Morita, or working security for the Starks."

Sharon cleared her throat. "Barnes and the Starks don't mix. Look, the guy's one of our most valuable covert agents, if there were any way possible that he could be here, he would be."

He nodded. He'd heard the same disclaimer from everyone since he woke up. He wasn't sure he would believe Bucky didn't die three days before he crashed until he saw his friend in person. Honestly, he didn't believe much of what the SHIELD agents told him but he had time to figure it out.

The war was over and he wasn't dead. He had a second chance, or a third one depending on how he counted it on any particular morning.

"He wants to see you, too," Sharon added.

Steve sighed turned to face her with a sigh, unfurling his loose fists at his sides. "I'm not upset because he didn't send a fruit basket, Agent Carter, I'm upset because he's been working as a spy for allegedly 75 years or so without a life of his own. Peggy's in a care home, Howard's half-mad and the rest of the Commandos are dead but Bucky's still fit for duty so on your word alone, I shouldn't worry at all."

She blanched in surprise but after a long moment, raised an eyebrow and smiled. "You should probably see more of his records, I'll see what I can get cleared to share with you. Trust me, his continued employment is completely voluntary."

"Right," he scoffed, forgetting his manners.

"He's been married twice. Same woman, different personalities - it's complicated to explain out of context," Sharon said, watching him closely.

But the tiny tidbit of possible normalcy for his assumed dead friend was like a string of hope. "Yeah? And he's happy?"

She hesitated and settled on a shrug. "Hard to tell with him but Aunt Peggy thinks so. It's been rough for him and his wife, most of it's above my security clearance - but they've been working with us this long for their own reasons."

"Okay."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Okay?"

He could understand Bucky's absence if a wife was involved.  They made each other promises, sure, but wives had always been part of their plan considering their alternatives.  He could wait for him to explain without panicking with a wife in the equation.  "Yeah, okay. Now, let's get to the real reason you're here."  

"Because everyone else is scared of Howard?" Sharon countered.

"Sure."

"You're not signing on with SHIELD, are you?"

"Nope. At least not right now. I need to acclimate myself to the world. My lawyer's got the contract drawn up. You're in charge of my security team so you get to help me pick out a house. Not in DC."

"Brooklyn?" Steve made a face and Sharon snorted. "Not a farm or the suburbs, I hope."

"I've got a few ideas. I'd just rather run them by a friend than an agent."

She rolled her eyes again. "I already disabled all the bugs for you."

He smiled. "Then let me get the computer I totally don't know how to use by myself and show you what I'm looking at."

 

* * *

 

"Anthony! Get your ass in here!" Howard called after he'd given up on converting Steve to SHIELD for today and settled into his third glass of scotch.

Steve wasn't about to question Howard's parenting technique when this was the first time he was getting to meet the Stark heir.

The kid finally appeared in oil-stained jeans and t-shirt looking out of place in the impeccably decorated mansion. "What do you want?" His dark eyes went wide when he saw Steve. " **Shit**. You - "

"Hey, it's great to finally meet you," Steve said, offering his hand.

"Captain Rogers - " Howard started.

"You can call me Steve, I'm not in the service anymore," he cut him off. Howard threw up his hands.

"Wow, okay. Dad's been looking for you forever. I'm Tony," the kid said, shaking firmly. "Captain America, wow."

"Steve," he corrected. "Your dad's promised not to judge me for turning down his offer at SHIELD if I promise not to judge him for drinking at 10am on a weekday," he added with a wink that won a surprised smile from Tony.

"Hang out with that kid a while and you'll see why I drink," Howard muttered.

Tony's face fell and Steve turned his back on Howard to block him from the boy's view. "Thanks, I plan on hanging out with him because of how you drink, so I'll make my own judgement on that," he said to Howard before winking at Tony.  "I've heard a lot of good things about Tony but the jury's still out on how you're spending your time," he added, squeezing the boy's shoulder. "Want to show me around while Howard untwists his panties?"

"Sure," Tony smiled. "Want to see my workshop?"

"Absolutely," Steve replied, following him toward the hallway.

" _Tony_.  Cap's putting down roots in the city and since he's not cooperating with SHIELD, see if you can give him a hand setting up security in whatever rathole he picks," Howard called.

"There goes _his_ invitation to visit," Steve said, earning another smile from the kid. "But I would love your opinion on my setup, if you don't have any ties to that weird government agency your dad's running."

"He doesn't tell me anything about his work, says I'm not old enough yet," Tony replied with a frown.

"Good. It's smart to keep you on the outside of it. That way when he fucks it up, it won't fall down on you" he added. "What are you, 14 now?"

Tony shrugged with a wary look. "Dad doesn't fuck up."

Steve laughed. "What kind of stories has he been telling you?"

"Obviously not the best ones," Tony smirked.

"Luckily, you've got an uncle to help you sort through the bullshit now," Steve said. "I've got 14 years to wade through."

Tony beamed at him suddenly and Steve felt like he might actually be getting the hang of this future thing with the second generation of his friends, at least.

"You don't seem like you'd be a friend of my Dad's," Tony said after the nickel tour was done and Steve was settled in his robot-infested workshop with a cup of tea, minus scotch.

"He's definitely changed a lot.  I think he's so used to wearing a public mask that he doesn't know how to take it off at home," Steve replied. "Plus, he's always been a competitive bastard so it tracks that he'd raise you to be the best."

Tony preened but it was obvious after a few hours together that Genius and Ego were part of the Stark genetics.

"Don't listen to him, Tony, you'll get lazy if you start thinking like that. You're definitely not the best at _anything_ while I'm still alive," Howard said, joining them with a dismissive look at the robots. But he wasn't carrying a drink so Steve considered his visit a peace offering.

"Sure, Dad," Tony muttered.

"You've got a great kid, Howard, you're right to be proud of him," Steve said pointedly.

"Of course I'm proud of him, but I won't be able to brag behind his back if people keep telling him that to his face," Howard replied. "Don't ruin all my hard work."

"'Course not," Steve smiled.

Tony snickered. "Uncle Cap and I have an understanding now, Dad, don't worry, our hate-hate relationship hasn't changed."

"Good," Howard conceded. "I promised your 'Uncle Cap' flying lessons but since he refuses to come down to see what SHIELD has to offer - "

Tony cut him off. "You're opening up the hangar? For real?"

"Family only so you can't bring any of your little famewhores with you," Howard snipped.

Steve thumped him. "You were doing so well."

"You're just blinded by his precociousness, that kid got his first STD at - " Howard started.

"I'm the Uncle, I don't have to care about those things," Steve interrupted. "And he didn't even ask before you jumped on him. I didn't take you for a slut-shamer, Howard."

"How do you even know what that means?" Howard sputtered.

Steve huffed primly. "I have layers."

"Fine, Tony can bring a friend. Hell, bring one of your pretty boys so Cap can get a nice view," Howard muttered.

Tony choked.

"Howard!  He's 14, I don't want to accidentally ogle any jailbait."

"Bikinis don't count and that only happened once and her ID said she was 21," Howard replied absently.

"I have friends that aren't famewhores. If you're opening the hangar, I'd bring someone that would appreciate what they see since they're not allowed to talk about any of it after they sign the NDA," Tony said.

Steve smiled at Howard's pleased expression. "See, the kid knows the game."

"Besides, Rhodey already knows Dad's batshit and he's got more flight hours than anyone in the ROTC on campus," Tony said. "He has wet dreams about that hangar."

"Tell him not to do that inside any of the planes," Steve chuckled.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

“The sisters were glad to hear of your interest about mentoring at the orphanage,” Father Lantom said as they walked through the garden after Tuesday mass.

“They know about my proclivities, right?” Steve asked after a beat.

The priest smiled. “I dare you to try and hide gossip from those ladies, Captain. Secret identity aside, they keep notes of single men and women in the area for matchmaking purposes. Sister Gerta was very disappointed that your Sunday escort wouldn’t give his last name on the registry.”

Steve wasn’t sure what last name Logan used considering he’d been a James when he’d known him in the 40’s. “He’s just a friend. I could bring a lady next Sunday,” he added.

“Keep them on their toes, but please don’t encourage their meddling. We have children from all different backgrounds so we welcome mentors of different backgrounds as well," Lantom said. He motioned across the grass to where a group of children were tossing a volleyball around, ignoring the net. He spotted a boy standing apart in dark glasses with a thick book.

"I don't know much about sports these days," Steve said honestly.

"No, that's Matthew. He lost his sight and his father, all within a few months. A blind gentleman mentored him for a while until one of the Sisters noticed he was gaining scars as well as skills," Lantom said. "We ran him off without involving the authorities but we vet our volunteers more thoroughly now."

"He abused him?" Steve asked, instinctively lowering his voice. Despite the distance, the boy's head tilted toward them.

"We couldn't get a straight answer out of either of them but Matthew insists it was training-related and not intentional harm and the boy _does_ seem to know fancy karate now. We tried to enroll him in actual karate classes but we can't find any trainers that work with the blind," he added.

Steve huffed. "So they can work with kids, just not ones that need extra attention?"

Father Lantom smiled. "I found it commendable that no one wants to order their students to throw punches at the blind kid."

He glanced over and saw a distinct frown on the boy's face. If he didn't know better, he'd think the kid could hear them. "Might embarrass them too much when they lost," he said and he saw the kid smirk.

He turned his full attention back to the priest. "I'm doing a lot of training in different fighting and exercise styles - "

"What kind of exercise needs training?" Father Lantom chuckled.

"Tai chi or something, Sharon gave me a list. I think it's exercise, I haven't tried it yet. Yoga was a no-go, it's too boring," Steve frowned. "If the kid's interested and the Sisters approve, I don't see why he can't sit in with me when I go through my lessons."

"I thought you were out of the business," Father Lantom hummed.

"I am. But this is a whole new world for me that's full of new dangers and threats. If I really want to make a life in this century, have a family - I need to be ready for anything. My friends, so far, are all wrapped up in dangerous jobs and if they ever need me, I'll be ready."

"Family's on the table?" the priest smiled, curious.

"Mentoring is the first step toward fostering and then adoption," he shrugged. "I want to do it all above board so the paperwork's going to take some time to clear. Maybe by then, one of the kids would like me enough to choose me for a forever home, you know?"

"Please don't let the Sisters hear you say that or the matchmaking search really will be on," Lantom chuckled.  
  


* * *

 

"Your center is off. You should take off your shoes," Matt said from his seat at the edge of the gym space.

Steve thought he'd been doing pretty okay.

"Show us," Master Li called, smiling in amusement.

It had taken a while for Matt to speak up during his visits but he knew much more of the terminology that the martial arts instructors used than Steve did. Today was the first time he'd volunteered to step in but Li was the first instructor to give him an opening.

Matt toed out of his sneakers and folded his jacket carefully before he approached. Steve had a rush of panic. "I don't want to hit you."

Matt smiled. "You won't have a chance but it's no fun if you don't try. You're putting too much weight on your heels. Try the last combination again and I'll show you."

They bowed to each other but before Steve finished his first swing toward Matt, he was on his back with his wrist pinned under Matt's bare foot and his left side was pulsing with pain from the kid's KO jab.

"I want a rematch," Steve said and Matt's anxious expression dropped into a smile.

Master Li hummed thoughtfully. "How do you 'see' his flaw, Matthew?"

Matt swallowed thickly but raised his chin as he spoke to make himself seem confident. "He's loud. Heavy." He gracefully performs one of the Kihon techniques as he continues. "You are smooth when you move through the air, you aren't fighting it but making your motions blend with the natural air - Steve pushes through like a machine, friction in every move like he's just telling his body what to do instead of being one with it."

Li nodded.

Steve could tell Matt was regretting his words already and pushed himself to his feet. "I think you just called me fat."

"Is that all you took from that?" Matt huffed, relaxing.

"Captain Rogers doesn't take verbal instruction well, but I believe if you knock him down a couple more times he may understand better," Li said. "Take your places."

"Are you going to teach me the side jab thing?" Steve asked Li.

"Absolutely not, you are only a beginner, that is a skill left to experts. I do not teach those kind of skills to my pupils," Li said.

"Sorry," Matt said quietly.

Li waved him off. "Do not apologize. Captain Rogers may need to learn such things considering his past line of work but my specialty is in nonlethal defense. Cap tries out that move, he'd chop a guy in half. You obviously know your limits but he doesn't have enough control or understanding to learn something like that."

"Now I feel like I should apologize," Steve snorted. "But wait - you called me fat, I get a rematch."

 

* * *

 

He curled his fingers, offering his knuckles for the fluffy white cat he'd found in Sharon's office to sniff. "Hello. Are you supposed to be in my friend's office?"

He didn't know much about pets, he'd been too sickly and poor to ever have one of his own but this fluffy cat was well-groomed and cared for. He wasn't sure why it was in Sharon's office, though. She wasn't a fan of 'cute' things like children or pets.

The cat regarded him, tilting its head thoughtfully before hopping onto Sharon's desk and sniffing around her files.

" _Jesus fuck_. Steve, back away slowly - " Sharon gasped as she stepped in.

"Why?  When did you get a cat? It's beautiful," he said.

"She's - shit.  We busted up a lab and it was a bloody mess, Cap.  Those animals killed a lot of people," she sighed, watching the cat warily.

"Are they sentient? She seems fine," Steve hesitated. How much damage could a housecat do?

"They're homicidal, Steve," Sharon stated flatly.

Steve looked at the cat. The cat held his gaze and slowly sat upright, curling her tail around her paws. " _Mew_."

"Did they kill any of your agents?" he asked after a beat. "Or did they just kill their captors?"

"Does it matter?" Sharon stammered.

"Yeah. You said they're smart, maybe they got tired of living in cages. Maybe the only experience they've had with people was the bad kind," Steve said. "That's not their fault. Viva la resistance?"

The cat hopped off the desk and sat down firmly on his thigh with a flick of her tail toward Sharon.

"She is one of my very best friends. She is one of the very best humans I know and we can trust her. I don't trust anyone else in this building, but Sharon is great," Steve said to the cat.

The cat rumbled but politely offered her paw. Sharon scowled at him but carefully shook the paw with delicate fingers before taking her seat at the desk.

"What do your scientists want with them?"

"We don't know what was happening in the lab, there was no one left to interrogate and the computers were fried. They attack all the vets so we don't know what was done to them," Sharon said.

"Mew," the cat said.

Sharon raised her eyebrow at Steve. "What did she say?"

"I don't speak cat, I was just winging it," Steve replied.

The cat pushed her head under Steve's hand, arching her back against his fingers. He obediently scritched her neck and felt a tiny bump. "There's something in her fur."

"Shit, they're chipped?" Sharon asked.

"They put chips in them? That's so _awful_ ," Steve winced. The cat purred to reassure him but Sharon gave him an exasperated look.

"Okay, so if I can arrange for a mutually satisfactory way to assess your health and threat levels, will your friends come out of hiding?" Sharon asked the cat directly.

"What are you going to do with her, if she passes your tests?" Steve asked, still absently strumming through her soft fur.

"There are seventeen of them loose in the building," Sharon said and he realized how strained she was behind her impeccable mask.

"Matt's doing his first overnight stay next week, I can't have that many cats in my building, they'd get underfoot and he might be allergic," Steve realized. He petted the cat sadly. "He's eleven and it's a big thing for both of us."

"Mew."

Sharon huffed, her eyes going wide. "What?" Steve asked.

"They are hypoallergenic and self-sufficient. You didn't hear her?"

"Mew," the cat repeated.

"And she'll only negotiate if you're her liaison," Sharon sighed. "Dammit, Rogers."

He felt like shit for making things so hard for her but he didn't expect to be adopted by a cat. "She's talking to you?"

"Apparently they can communicate in special cases when it cannot be avoided," Sharon said after a beat, narrowing her eyes at the cat. "Before you stop gracing me with your mind-voice, can you at least tell us who did this to you, or why?"

"Me _ow_ ," the cat replied.

Sharon tapped furiously on her phone for a moment before lowering it with a nod. "Thank you. We'll follow up on that. Can you call the others so we can examine them?"

"For health, not science, right?" Steve blurted out. The cat licked his chin.

"Yes. I've told security to stand down and clear the hallway to the clinical area. The vets have been notified that the cats will volunteer without force if they use extreme delicacy."

The cat hopped off his lap and trotted to the door with her tail held high. She let out a piercing yowl and placed her paw on the door with a glance back at them. "Mew."

"Her name's Genevieve," Sharon sighed.

"Did you hear me say how you're the very best?" Steve asked, giving her a wary hug.

"Will you at least commit to being a consultant for SHIELD?" Sharon huffed.

"If you can promise that I'll only be working with _you_ , then sure. I trust you, just nobody else in this place," he added, earning a smile.

She opened the door and they stood in silence while cats, large and small and definitely more than seventeen, lined up in the hallway like fluffy trained soldiers.

"That's fucking adorable," Steve said. Genevieve glared at him but he held up both hands in defense. "Sorry, just. It is."  
  


* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
"Yeah, that's a lot of cats," Matt whistled when they arrived at Steve's building with his backpack for the weekend. One day Steve wanted it to be a home, but for now it was still just a building with rooms.

Steve deflated, knowing that the accidental cat adoption was going to ruin his chance of making Matt comfortable.

Matt smiled, tilting his head toward him. "You really are overdramatic. Stark came by my school yesterday."

"What? Howard - " his defenses flared at the thought of another side setting him up to fail.

Matt shook his head. "No, Tony. For the record, he's a major douchebag and I would really like it if you did not make me be nice to him. He wanted me to know about the building and all the upgrades he made for your pets. Have you stayed here yet?"

"Oh. Not overnight." Logan was in town and hotels were awesome. "The cleaners had just cleared it when the cat thing happened."

"Then I should show you around. He gave me a walkthrough and weird lecture yesterday. He seems to think that you getting a herd of cats would make me not want to hang out. He's never been inside the orphanage, has he?" Matt smirked.

"Oh. He showed you around?" Steve was relieved that Tony hadn't made things worse.

"Yep. I already picked my room. The gym is awesome and he's already worked out a litter box system for the cats so we won't have to bother with it."

"Did the cats talk to you?"

Matt gave him a blank look. "They're cats, Steve."

"That's what you say now," he murmured under his breath.

Matt snorted. "Fine, yes, the one in charge said that they would respect my boundaries and stay away from my stuff because of dander and noise. She was very nice about it but Tony didn't hear it."

"They don't talk to me," Steve said. "But Sharon understood them for a little bit."

"She said I was a very good kitten," Matt wrinkled his nose. "I wasn't sure it was real."

"I'm sorry for the weirdness," Steve said.

Matt shrugged. "You used to be Captain America, Steve. I knew what I was getting into. Can we go in now?"

He was proud of the renovations, even if Tony and Sharon handled the contractors. It was a mix of 'welcome all' and 'we're watching you' but he couldn't pick out the sensors that he knew were in all the corners. He didn't want invasive cameras everywhere but he wanted a truly safe place so Tony designed an 'algorithm' to monitor the perimeter for weapons and intruders. Steve didn't know how it would work with the cats but he trusted Tony over SHIELD.

"Lobby," Matt said, waving his cane expansively. "Office to the left is for strangers and suspicious guests and the one on the right is for friends and family and both are supposed to have brand new furniture that looks old. You have a real office in your suite with all your antiques and private stuff. Howard fixed your space."

"I'm still a little boggled that you're showing me around my own building," Steve smiled.

"I could let the cats do it," Matt grinned.

 

* * *

 

  
"You're not my priest, Matthew, you don't get to know all my sins," Steve said when the kid opened his mouth to ask another intrusive question.

Logan chuckled. "You didn't pick an easy one, did you? Kid with a nose like mine, he'll know more than you'll ever have to tell him."

Matt didn't deny it and Steve sighed. Logan laughed again and clapped him on the shoulder. "You're a quick study, Cap, you guys will figure it out."

"I soundproofed everything but I didn't think about smell, Child Services is going to revoke my guardianship," Steve groaned.

"Soundproofing doesn't work the way you think it does. You didn't wake me up, the cats do this thing when I fall asleep, this communal purring that I focus on when you're trying not to paw at your boyfriend. I'm glad you invited him inside this time," Matt said. "The air filtration system helps with the smell thing."

"I figure if I expect you be able to invite friends over then I should set an example. Logan is a very good friend to me and I hope he will be to you, too," Steve said.

"Fair enough. Can I ask how his knives don't set off the security system?" Matt asked, tilting his head curiously.

Logan looked at him for permission and he shrugged. "Bad guys put metal in my bones so instead of claws, I have blades," he said, flexing his fingers to unsheath the unnaturally sharp appendages.

"Ninjas don't do shit like that," Matt said, flushing. "Sorry. You heal fast, _ouch_."

"Put those away, you know they make me twitchy," Steve frowned.

Matt tilted his head again. "So that's what 'barely controlled rage' sounds like on you."

"They used to be bone claws and they still hurt him every time. Watching him do that so easily - " Steve started.

"Relax in front of your minion, Bub. We can hug it out later," Logan warned.

"I never want to box with you, gloves or not," Matt said.

"He could probably take you down with that karate stuff," Steve told Logan.

Matt smiled brightly. "Yeah, now that I know the metal's inside you, I can track your movements."

"I might take you up on that challenge if I get invited over again," Logan chuckled.

"You're on the 'always invited' list," Matt said.

Logan winked at Steve. "Oh really?"

"Don't get too excited, it's only for cat reasons," Steve replied. Viv mewed her agreement from somewhere overhead.

* * *

 

"Clint, right? How're you doing, kid?" Steve greeted one of the local kids that he'd met when he was introducing himself around the neighborhood. It wasn't unusual to see him around; but it was late for a kid his age to be sitting alone outside of a market.

The short kid perked up at the sound of his name and grinned crookedly at him. "Hey, Steve. Matt."

He didn't know Matt knew the other kid but they were both 'locals'.

"Daisy told me you got busted out of the nunnery, you staying with Cap?" Clint asked Matt directly.

Matt nodded. "Yeah, how's Daisy doing? I told her to call."

Steve searched his memory. "Do you mean Skye?"

"Only the nuns call her that. She's not a pet that they shouldn't get to change the name when they buy her," Clint frowned. "Girls are mean."

"Huh," Steve considered.

"I can have friends over, you should bring her after school one day," Matt said, tilting his head in a not-subtle attempt to test his boundaries. "They go to the same school."

Clint hesitated and Steve hummed before he decided to push his luck. He knew sign language and made sure the kid could see his hands. "Your brother's not invited, but you're welcome to visit. He carries too many weapons to be around my new kid."

"Right," Clint huffed aloud. Matt frowned at being left out of the conversation.

"I can put in a visit to the Sisters about playdates with Daisy, but Barney already knows the deal," Steve said aloud. "You're obviously not on the same payroll he is or you would know, too."

Clint perked up. "Oh, it's that kind of deal."

Matt sighed. "I told you. He doesn't want anything to do with the neighbors or their business, that's why your brother's not allowed on the block."

"Oh. I figured he stole something from you already," Clint muttered.

"Nah, he knows better," Steve winked. "You out for an emergency ketchup run like us?"

"We're out of more than just ketchup," Matt murmured.

"Barney's got a girl over, I'm just hanging out until Saul comes on shift, he lets me sweep for snacks," Clint said.

"Well, if you can read labels better than Matt, you can help us shop and I'll make you dinner. God forbid I buy food that's not organic," Steve teased.

Matt raised his chin primly. "Come on, Clint, you can embarrass him into buying name brand cereal."  
  


* * *

  
"Decent place, Cap, and good call on the drinks - glad you're using that back pay for something useful," Howard said after a quick and dirty walkthrough of his new place before settling into the 'greeting' office. "I've gotten some memos asking about Barnes on your behalf."

"Bucky?" Tony asked, looking up from his tablet where he was re-configuring the 'house servers' again. "Oh, he was - how did I never put that together? I haven't heard anyone say his name in years."

"He's not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking, he's just busy," Howard directed to Steve.

"Why would he be mad at Cap?" Tony asked.

"Bucky didn't talk to me for three days when I broke my promise and told Peggy he was enhanced. Of course, I didn't talk to her for three weeks after she broke her promise to me and told Howard," Steve told Tony, smoothing his fingers through Viv's fur. "Then he died and so did I."

"But he's worked for Dad and SHIELD - " Tony started.

"We found him in the 60's," Howard cut him off, swirling his scotch in the ice absently. "His handlers sent him to kill me. Peggy and Dot already had a whole cat and mouse thing going on so we knew the Soviets had mind controlled & enhanced operatives but - we didn't know they had _him_."

Steve didn't mean to gasp but both Starks were looking at him when he focused again. "Oh."

"He wasn't in his right mind," Howard said. "Or *his* mind at all, they'd scrubbed it out, or most of it anyway. He remembered Lina." He spoke aside to Tony. "French whore."

"She was a spy, too, great dame," Steve corrected. "What does she - oh. It _worked_?"

"What worked?" Tony asked, actually not latching onto the 'whore' comment.

"I'm still alive so yes, it worked. We still use a lot of her ideas in our training regiments. The Howling Commando passphrase was still under the Winter Soldier programming and he recognized me after he'd shot out the bulletproof windows."

Tony's face bloomed with understanding. "That's why you make me and Mom do those weird hypnotherapy sessions twice a year."

Steve remembered the nights spent in Lina's candlelit room with his team and her spies, usually in various stages of nudity.

"Right. It's not perfect, but it helps. He got Dottie out and they fell in love, made a life for a bit. Had a kid," Howard said.

"Wait, what?" Steve cut in. The wife, sure, but Sharon had not mentioned that Bucky had a child, too.

"I'm getting to it," Howard sighed. "They retired and had a daughter a few years after Tony was born. Then some bad guys took their kid, switched Dot's programming back on and sent her to kill my kid."

"Wait, what?" Tony echoed.

Howard waved his glass to dismiss them. "Peggy's husband caught her before she hit the state lines, but she and Bucky signed on again so they could find their daughter and bring her home. Because of the situation, it's classified over my head. Since Daniel passed, I don't get any updates on the Barnes' status."

"You're the boss, who's got a higher security clearance than you?" Steve asked.

"The Winter Soldier has his own clearance level, He was the last surviving Howling Commando until we found you," Howard added, raising his glass in a toast. "That's all I can say on record, you'll have to wait a little longer to hear from the source."

 

* * *

  
"Hey, remember how you asked me to look up that blind ninja guy for you?"

Steve sat up immediately and pressed the phone to his ear as if that would dim the static so he could make out more than her words. "Yeah? Did you find out anything?"

"Found him and more, a whole nest of nefarious ninjas."

"Two points for alliteration," he said absently. "Do you need my help?"

She chuckled. "Not the way you think, Civilian. But I can get you approval to take in a second brat, if you want her."

"Please don't tell me he had a kid with him," Steve whispered.

"Nest of ninjas, Steve. Meaning multiple ninjas, get it? They've been training her for a few years, at least."

He closed his eyes and hoped he was wrong. "Like Dottie? Black Widows?"

"You know about that? Never mind, it's above my clearance anyway but it saves a lot of exposition," Sharon said quickly. "Similiar themes of grooming children to kill mercilessly for a common unquestionable cause, but not the same group."

"Ninjas, right," Steve sighed.

"Right. Mystical shit and your lead got us the boss. I'm not a part of the Mystical team so you'll have to hit up your Level 10 friends to find out what's going to happen to the group, but I have permission to take the girl to a safe home. If you can call her a 'girl'."

"Don't say that," Steve scolded automatically. "SHIELD's just letting you take her?"

"We don't fuck with kids. She's not enhanced but she is mean as a snake. _Hiss_."

Steve realized Sharon was in the room with the child. "Oh my God, you really are awful with kids, it's not just Mattie."

"Why do you think I'm a SHIELD agent and not off popping out babies like my Mom expected? Anyway, Director Stark says you get dibs since it was your op."

"It wasn't an op - I just wanted you to get Matt's money back before he found out the guy took it," Steve protested. "I mean, I'm really glad it worked out and you saved a child but I didn't want you to bring me a grudge with a bunch of ninjas. I don't know anything about ninjas, Sharon, is it even politically correct to call them that?"

Viv meowed urgently from her tower of silk pillows. Fucking cat. God, he hoped she couldn't read his mind.

"Not these guys and they won't come near you. They'll nut up and sign the human rights' paperwork and hopefully stay off government radar for another century or so. They'll put the girl in witness protection - "

"You said I could take her," Steve cut her off.

Sharon laughed. "You should probably meet her first."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's taking me this long to get where I need to go but I swear I'm closer. I still have so much of this I haven't linked together. Thanks for those of you that are enjoying the ride and sticking it out with me!


	4. Chapter 4

  
"Oh. She's - she's the one Stick was searching for," Matt said when Steve finished his explanation over breakfast.

"What? He's preying on children," Steve frowned.

"He didn't tell me everything, but enough to know that someone my age would show skills beyond all others. Destiny and stuff. I wasn't good enough," Matt said quietly.

"He took your inheritance. I got it back for you, but - I have doubts at his true interest in your 'skills' considering that," Steve confessed.

Matt didn't reply for a long moment and when he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. "I wouldn't kill for him. That was another deal-breaker. If - if she's loyal to Stick's cause, she probably didn't have that caveat."

Steve sighed. "She's just a kid. I don't want her to get lost in the system when - "

"Oh, I figured you were bringing her home to stay," Matt said, surprised.

"Only if you agree. Viv doesn't seem to like the idea," he replied, quietly in case the cat was listening. "And Sharon says I have to meet her first. She says she's mean."

Matt scoffed. "Sharon hates children no matter how nice they are."

"She has PTSD from babysitting trauma, she's not that bad. I thought you liked Sharon," Steve replied.

"I pretend to like her because she's the only one that can make you laugh when Logan's not in town," Matt frowned. "But if you're giving me a say in the final decision, then I agree with Sharon - we should meet the girl first to assess her threat level."

Steve considered the boy's phrasing. "Her threat level or her skill level?"

"Fine, both. Where's Stick?" Matt asked quickly, crossing his arms.

"He hurt my kid. You won't see him. Maybe in a few years and after you've told me the truth about what went down, I'll tell you but right now, he's not a part of your life," Steve replied.

"If you take in another one of his students - "

"He will not be a part of your life or hers, if even if I don't take her in. I refuse to let men make puppets out of children. If you think he could take me then you don't know me as well as you think," Steve stated. "He will not be a part of your life again."

"Time out, your blood pressure's rising. We'll take the rest of this conversation to Father Lanthom privately at a later date. I don't need you fighting my battles, especially one that's already in the past," Matt said.

Steve unclenched his fists. "It's not in the past if you're asking about him."

"If you're bringing one of his trainees into our safe place then I have to ask," Matt countered.

"Not if you won't tell me what - "

"Meow," Viv interrupted, sauntering into the kitchen with her tail in full 'guest alert' position.

Matt reached across the counter and thumped his hand. "Sharon's here and I promise to be nice to her if we can drop the subject."

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for pushing you to talk. It has to be at your own pace."

"We're doing all right. Go talk to your friend and Viv and I will make ourselves presentable," Matt said. The cat immediately hopped onto the counter and swiped her paw into the soggy remnants of his cereal bowl to claim it for herself.

Sharon dragged him aside without introducing him to the 'hellspawn' and shoved a thick folder of evidence from the ninja cult. He made a mental note of all the redacted areas for questions later and filtered through Sharon's warnings about the girl he expected him to take but didn't trust enough for him to meet first.

"Matt says you don't like children, I'm worried your bias is affecting your judgment. Why don't you think I can handle it?" Steve interrupted.

Matt cleared his throat from the doorway with a thin, dark-haired girl standing unhappily behind him. "Elektra and I have reached an understanding."

Elektra squared her tiny shoulders as she spoke. "I accept your offer of sanctuary." Matt elbowed her and she frowned and began pulling items from her pockets that Steve didn't recognize.

"You little - " Sharon snapped but Steve covered her mouth with a pointed look.

"Rules are different where she's from," Matt said quietly. "You can't treat her like a kid until she learns how to act like one - she's been trained to be something else."

"I can choose for myself," Elektra said. "I choose to stay and learn in peace, like Matthew, before I make any life-fucking decisions."

"I didn't say it exactly like that," Matt winced. Something crashed in the other room and he shifted his weight. "Some things got broken."

Steve hurried into the hall but froze when he realized the extent of the wreckage. It spoke to the soundproofing as well as the children's skill that they hadn't heard anything considering the curtains, paintings, and parts of the ceiling were missing chunks and the cherrywood desk was split in half.

"We had to call it a draw because I know you don't like to end sparring matches at first blood," Matt said. "Um."

Sharon tucked her wallet, phone and guns away but held out the final piece of snitched weapons to Elektra who glanced at Steve and then back at Sharon with stark defiance.

"I'm trusting you not use this unless absolutely necessary, but if you're trained and living with these boys then I expect you to protect them," Sharon said. Elektra blinked but had the dagger hidden away before Steve could protest.

"You never give _me_ anything cool," Matt said.

"You're blind so you have no appreciation for the fact I pick out your clothes so you aren't ostracized forever for Steve's taste," Sharon countered as she turned to Steve. "Papers will be here tomorrow and if you can keep your children tame enough for a trip outside the reservation then you can meet me for brunch."

"I feel I should assert my status as man of this house right now. But I have a lot of more important things to do so - " Steve said, still slightly in shock from his destroyed 'display office' and how this morning had played out. "Fine. Whatever."  
  


* * *

 

"Why are you crying?" Elektra snarled at the ball of fur at her door.

"He doesn't want to be alone," Matthew said, startling her from the dim hallway.

"You cannot cry. If you cry, they will hear you and make you stop. Do not cry," she told the animal.

"Mowr," he yowled.

Matthew winced and she had a rush of regret.

"Noise. _Why_." She spun, prepared to silence the cat at any cost but Steve had blue streaks of paint through his hair. His hands were clean when he scooped up the kitten. "Why, Benjamin?"

"Mew," the cat whimpered.

"I am sorry for upsetting the cat," she said automatically.

"S'okay, it's his first night on his own," Steve yawned. He held out his wrist and Matt pressed it against his cheek. "Steady, Matt."

"What are you doing?" Elektra asked at the strange ritual.

"I have sensitive hearing, I use his pulse as focus if things get too loud," Matthew said softly. "You're turned up to eleven and then the cat..."

Steve hummed and settled the now quiet kitten on his shoulder. "Come on, then. We'll have group quiet time."

"You aren't in trouble. You don't have to take Benji if you don't like him. I don't have a cat," Matt said turning back when she didn't follow right away. "But you're not allowed to hurt him, or any of the cats just because you don't like them."

"I would not hurt him," she said quietly. "He was crying and we're not supposed to cry."

"Crying is not against the rules here," Steve yawned, leading them into a section of the building she hadn't seen yet. An art studio surrounded by windows and filled with cushions and houseplants.

Matt wrinkled his nose and maneuvered through the maze of easels and unfinished canvases to a beanbag chair by an open window. "Better. You're using the new paint."

"Mm. I'm trying to get the hang of it but it's different. The colors don't shine the same with this, but if it's better for your nose," Steve started, sitting down on a stool in front of a pastel painting of flowers.

"It's not enough of a difference for you to have to switch. And you're using watercolors tonight so it's fine," Matthew replied, curling up on the cushy seat.

"What calms you down, Elektra? Matt listens to the city sounds and I paint and listen to audiobooks," Steve said as she studied the disparate images of war beside carousels and sketches tacked up between digital photography as if all art was allowed to live here.

"I am calm," she replied, slightly confused. "I am not 'turned up'."

"You're down to a ten now, so better. She still thinks this is a test," Matthew told Steve.

"Tests are for school. This is home. There are books, a TV with a game thing, whatever," Steve said, looking at her with soft eyes. "Sleeping is recommended but we all have trouble getting rest sometimes."

She waited but he didn't give any more instruction. "What are you listening to?" she asked finally.

"Brideshead Revisited. I like the soothing narration, but I've read it already."

"Put on one with the British lady, one of the girly ones for Elektra," Matthew murmured, already settling into sleep.

"He means Jane Austen, he doesn't appreciate classic literature," Steve told her as she settled onto one of the cushions within sight of his canvas. "Do you want to paint, or color? There are pencils and chalk somewhere."

"You are not sleepy?" she asked.

"I don't think it's time for me to sleep yet. I want to make sure I'm tired enough to not have bad dreams. Don't follow my example, I'm not a good sleeper," Steve confided.

She hesitated. "Not a test."

"Nope." The kitten yawned and pawed at his shoulder when he reached for a brush.

She patted the cushion. "I'm sorry, Benjamin." The kitten tilted his head at her but the rumbling purr reassured her as he scrambled down to check her cushion's softness. Maybe this was a different kind of test.


	5. Chapter 5

 

* * *

 

"Ellie, no," Steve cut into Bucky's explanation without looking away. Natalia giggled and it was so out-of-character that he and Dottie both pivoted in place to check on her.

She was standing aside while the tiny brunette and the blind boy were facing each other, the girl with two rulers and the boy with his cane.

"Thank you for not using real weapons this time but no sparring in the public areas, remember? Matthew, you know better."

"Sorry, Steve," the two kids said without meaning it at all. Bucky liked them.

He turned his full attention back to his totally not dead once and forever friend. "You let them spar?" Dottie asked before he could get the question out. He couldn't process Steve's existence like this. He was a glowing beacon of safety and warmth that Bucky wasn't prepared for no matter how much Agent Thirteen warned him.

"There's this ninja group, started training them young. Orphans, like Matt and Elektra. They don't have blood on their hands yet," Steve added under his breath. "Children shouldn't be soldiers or spies until they're old enough to understand what they're fighting for."

"Yes," Dottie said sharply, darting her hand out to grab Steve's. Voluntary contact without intention of causing pain was an unexpected movement for her with strangers. "Will you take Natalia?"

Bucky nodded when Steve glanced at him. "We still have work to do, we can't - " God, if Dottie openly asked for sanctuary then he was damned well going to follow her lead. He trusted Steve implicitly despite the missing years.

"Of course she's welcome here, but - " he added to Dottie, waiting for her small nod.

"We've been searching for her - " Bucky started, closing his mouth when he saw Steve squeezing Dottie's hand tightly.

"They took her from us, she was two," Dottie blurted out. "Seven years stolen."

"She'll stay here," Steve said evenly. "She'll be safe here until you guys make it safe for her to be with you."

"Sparring rules do not apply when strangers threaten us," Matt stated from across the room.

"Kill or be killed, never be taken," Elektra echoed.

Steve sighed. "I'll have to revise the lesson plan if that's what she's getting from it." But Dottie was visibly pleased by the wrong answer.

"She's new, I'll explain it again," Matt called.

Bucky smiled at Steve's put-out expression. "Super-hearing, you said?" Natalia would do well with others like her and the children were obviously comfortable here.

"Among other things. Ellie's only been here a few months and it took a while but she hasn't tried to cut me in weeks. Considering what she and Matt have gone through, sparring's like recess for them. They get PE credit and no fights ever end in first blood or they get points-off the final grade," Steve explained.

"You home-school them?" Bucky asked. That was promising for keeping Natalia safe and out of sight.

He nodded. "For now, but they both have lessons with other teachers. Matt does his blind stuff and Spanish, and Ellie has ballet and accounting."

"Accounting?" Dottie asked after a beat.

"My parents left me a vast estate that I will inherit when I turn of age. Matthew will be my consort and we will buy a country to rule as overlords," Elektra announced. Matt stuck his tongue out at the idea behind the girl's back.

"She's ruthless when she wants to be. Last week, she ordered her lawyer to draw up a contract to divert funds for one household meal per day to be prepared by a private chef. She's a kid and she's hiring private chefs because she thinks it'll get her out of dish duty," he murmured. "Do you want to see the rest of the place?"

"Hell yes," Bucky replied.

"I'd like to spend some time with you, when you're ready. There's a suite upstairs and I'd love it if you stuck around."

"Safe here," Natalia whispered in Russian with a flicker of determination on her face. Bucky and Dottie nodded in unison. They would keep her safer this time. They would fix this.

 

* * *

  
  


The cats lined up for roll call, the youngest ones much more eager than the elders who already had designated positions. Steve didn't know how the hierarchy worked, he left that to Viv.

"What's this?" Bucky asked in a worried voice. "Magic?"

"Nah, just a misguided mad scientist that wanted to make a smarter cat," Steve explained as Viv sauntered over and offered her paw in greeting to Natasha. The cat had already picked her out as the long-term guest. "Like cats aren't smarter than most people already, you know? Viv and her family live here now."

"Mew," Gerard rumbled, sitting down heavily on Bucky's boot and raising a paw for attention. "Mew."

"Weapons accepted, Gee," Steve said and the cat returned to the line.

Ellie immediately scooped up her sleek black kitten and turned to Natasha. "This is Benjamin, he's my roommate and we are in charge of looking after each other but he is not allowed to lick my hair."

To demonstrate, Benji promptly licked her hair and earned another giggle from the quiet child clinging to Dottie and Bucky's hands. Matt joined Steve without his cane, having caught on that Bucky and Dottie were cleared.

"Your new stray's lurking out back. Something's wrong with his hearing aids," Matt said quietly. "I think he's waiting for Daisy."

Sign language was useless for Matt and while Elektra knew over ten languages, she hadn't learned that one. But if Bucky and Dottie were serious about leaving their kid with him then they should see his place in full.

Natasha was looking up at Dottie with wide, shining eyes. Viv urged her youngest kittens into line in front of her with impatient licks at their fur to make them presentable.

"Everybody gets a roommate, not a pet," Steve said, following the Feline protocol he'd set up. "Viv makes the assignments," he added when Natasha looked at him.

"It is helpful to care for smaller creatures to remind us that we are capable of kindness," Elektra said solemnly before narrowing her mouth in a frown. "I will protect Benjamin at all costs, as he would do for me." Her black kitten reared on his hind legs and flared both paws to display his tiny claws.

"This isn't quite what we expected," Bucky hesitated but it was too late and Viv pushed a fluffy smoke-gray kitten forward with a pronounced meow.

"Viv says his name is Vasili," Matt said. "Is that Russian?"

"It's because he is destined to be King," Natalia answered in clipped English as she accepted her assigned kitten with a demure expression that would look out of place on any other child. It only lasted a moment before she was showing her 'assigned' friend to Bucky and Dottie with excited Russian.

Steve glanced at Matt with a sigh. "You can still hear her?"

"When she wants me to," Matt replied.

The cats dispersed and Viv paused for Steve to give her the required amount of coddling before he continued his accidental tour of the building. "I just need to let in one of the local kids, this part of the building is a half-ass community center so we get some afterschool traffic."

"Is that safe?" Bucky asked.

"I wouldn't let anyone put him in danger," Matt said sharply. "I can hear your mech-arm six blocks away," he added.

"Stand down, Mattie. Are his hearing aids setting you off?" Steve asked, noting a twitch under his eye that he confirmed unhappily.

"They're broken and they're making a noise," Matt admitted, taking Steve's arm and matching his lead into the gym. Elektra darted past them and returned with a set of earmuffs. Her adoration of Matt was cute but he had a feeling they would have to discuss boundaries at some point.

"Play?" Natalia whispered.

He was proud of his gym, the colorful mats and climbing bars labeled 'Candyland' by the local kids and influencing the Gumdrop climbing wall complete with harnesses even if his own kids rarely used them.

"The cats haven't let a kid get hurt yet and this is a weapon-free area. We have another space for that," Steve said, approaching the back door to reveal Clint with a split backpack and lip with matching blood smears on each. "Hey, kid."

Clint signed hello and Steve held out his hand for the boy to drop in his hearing aids before signing instructions. "Clean yourself up and I'll introduce you. Stay tonight please?"

The boy nodded, giving the Barnes family a curious look before darting into a side room.

"Steven, I require your phone to give the chef additional instructions now that we have more guests," Elektra announced with Benji perched on her shoulders. "I will consult with Natalia for dietary preferences, not her handlers."

"I'll explain it again," Matt murmured.

"You're not my paid assistant, kid," Steve sighed, passing Ellie his phone.

"Okay. Race you to the top," Matt said, snapping Ellie into action tugging Natalia after him toward the jungle gym.

"Wow," Bucky said, sliding an arm around Dottie with an impressed smile as Matt and Ellie skillfully scaled the rails to the highest rungs. Vasili waited for Natalia to size up the lower rungs, mapping the climbing frame thoughtfully. The tiny cat finally bit the collar of her jacket and lifted her to sit on the railing before hopping to a higher level to wait for her to follow. "I see how the cats help keep it safe."

Clint returned with less blood and a few bandaids in place, reporting for inspection with familiar curiosity in his bright eyes. "The cats are great security. They help me hide even when I'm not in the building. New stray?" he asked aloud.

"James and Dot are fully approved to be on site, Daisy will add their handprints to the security system later. Natalia's going to be staying here with Matt and Elektra," Steve signed and said out loud.

"What should I keep my eyes open for?' Clint asked openly, sizing up Bucky and Dot. "Russians?"

"You're not on the payroll, kid, stop listening to Matt," Steve sighed but he didn't know how he pinpointed 'Russian'.

"I heard that!" Matt called. Natalia was seated between him and Elektra on the top of the jungle gym.

"Not the Bratva, right?" Clint asked.

"We're fine with the Bratva," Steve replied absently.

Bucky barked out a laugh. "What the hell kind of place is this?"

"I made sure this place is off-limits for all mafia-related drama before I started taking in kids," Steve said.

"It is perfect," Dottie said, addressing Clint. "Not Bratva. More like KGB to use an antiquated term."

Clint nodded determinedly. "Noted. There are three SHIELD agents monitoring the place but they're on Cap's radar. No ninja, squid, or other Federal activity detected. And I don't work for him, I work for Matt," he beamed, scrambling away from the grown-ups to join the dinner planning.

 

* * *

  
  
"He wanted to come as soon as you were discovered," Dot said, joining Steve and Viv in the roof garden after the kids were tucked in for the night.

"If he'd blown his cover and lost another second with that adorable little girl, I would have kicked his ass," Steve replied honestly, motioning for her to join him when Viv gifted her the chair and mewed her intention to recheck the perimeter and left them. "I admit, I didn't understand at first but once Agent Carter told me he was married and happy and working under his own free will - I trusted he knew what he was doing."

"Peggy?" Dot paused.

"Sorry, Sharon. I was instructed not to mention you around Peggy or Bucky around Howard. Domestic drama is much more easier for me to handle than espionage," he winked as she relaxed and took a seat.

"He's missed you a very long time," she said, delicately pulling a tin of cigarettes from a hidden pocket. "Things are changing now."

Steve held his hand up to warn Dot before he spoke. "Matt, what's wrong?"

"I thought you were smoking and you only smoke when you're moping," Matt's quiet voice answered from the darkness.

Dot smiled, tapping her thin cigarillo in the provided flowerpot. "Your wards are delightful, Steven. Unlike your guardian, little bat, I only smoke when I feel safe enough to risk exposing my position in the dark and possibly leaving a DNA trace. Pop quiz on my tobacco of choice?"

Matt emerged, hesitant but encouraged by Dot's challenge. "French brand, popular with the upper class circles and artists."

Dot nodded, pleased. "Your senses will be more reliable in certain situations than sight. I carry cigarettes laced with incapacitating chemicals that are undetectable."

"We'll have to add that into the practice sessions that only happen in a controlled environment," Steve warned, sliding over to make room for his not-favorite kid. "You okay?"

"Daisy, Clint and Ellie are off-beat but I don't want to sleep with headphones," Matt admitted. He tilted his head toward Dot. "Your husband is sleeping, his arm still makes noise."

"We'll fix up the soundproofing first thing tomorrow, will that help?" Steve asked, tucking Matt under his arm so he could press his ear against Steve's chest.

"I just have to get used to it," Matt replied. "Like when Daisy set up all the servers and it tweaked my levels. There's something in his prosthetic that's grinding. Like a pebble."

Dot laughed suddenly. "As if we needed another sign that this is the best place for our child. James has been complaining about grit in that thing for months."

"You want me to come down and sit with you?" Steve asked.

"No. Just keep your heartbeat steady. Maybe speak in French, the cadence is soothing," Matt murmured, curling onto the bench.

"He says he doesn't understand French but he is full of tricks," Steve said to Dot in the requested language.

"You are good with him and the others. He was your first ward?"

Steve nodded. "I volunteered at his orphanage. He was having a rough time, not because of his sight but this weird training they let him do with a stranger who definitely didn't have his best interests in mind. It took a while to earn his trust but we figured it out."

"And the girl?"

"Sharon found her with the guy that tried to recruit Matt," Steve said. He wasn't sure he was supposed to see the calculating flash in her eyes. "She assures me the problem's been resolved."

"I will follow up with Agent Thirteen, do not worry," Dot smirked. "What about the others?"

"Clint's got family, just not the good kind. He knows he has a place and when he's ready, I'll bring him in," Steve confided. "Daisy's a new guest of the orphanage but for some reason, her name's flagged by SHIELD so she's on my radar. She's a good kid, not religious at all so living on church grounds is an adjustment."

"I will follow up on that as well," Dot said. "My daughter and my husband feel safe here."

"And you?"

"If James can rest as peacefully as that little one, I think I will find the same," she smiled.  
  


* * *

 

"Hands," Steve's voice led Bucky and Dot into the large dining room where the children were seated around a circular table with extra seats waiting for them. All the kids held out their hands for inspection.

"Good job, everyone. And before Ellie gets riled up, I've already scheduled manicures and haircuts for whoever needs one tomorrow afternoon," Steve said.

"And pedicures, my toes need equal attention," Elektra said.

"The Sisters might not - " Daisy hesitated.

"They put you in his afterschool program so it's on the Foundation's tab," Matt said. He tilted his head to signal he knew they were snooping by the door. "Not that I'm Steve's assistant or anything."

Steve winked at them as they took their seats and paused for Clint. "Tony's coming by to look at your hearing aids while Matt's off site with his tutor. I can send a note to your school if - "

"Yes, please," Clint signed immediately. Steve waited. "I'll make sure my brother knows they got a note," he added.

"Good. We start every morning with a balanced breakfast and briefing," Steve told the adults with a grin. "Totally not my assistant, Matt, can start."

"Orange juice, no pulp. Ms. Hampton at the library is going to have fraternal twins," Matt said.

"Ooh, does she know yet?" Clint asked, lip-reading with ease.

"No, her ultrasound's next week but they're healthy from the sounds of it," Matt shrugged as Steve placed a glass of already prepared juice and waffles in front of him.

"I'll go next. Milk, extra chocolate. My principal is having illicit - right - illicit relations with the school nurse and the secretary has totally wired the teacher's lounge to catch them," Clint said.

"No - are you linked up? I want to see that footage, that's so scandalous," Daisy asked eagerly since she went to his public school.

Bucky raised his hand. "Is there a goal to this briefing?"

"Three syllable words used correctly in a sentence," Natalia whispered. "You'll get your turn."

"Me now, Espresso, double shot, and milk," Elektra said. "The solution to the Homeric Question regarding his existence - "

"Foul, you memorized that last week when he did the geography pop quiz instead of syllables," Clint challenged.

"She is expressing her capacity to use previously acquired knowledge in spontaneous situations," Daisy said, crossing her arms. "Hawaiian punch, please."

"We're going to have to go up on our word difficulty if this keeps happening," Steve grinned, setting out their drinks and individually prepared dishes. "Adults can have caffeinated beverages but it's easier if I settle them down first."  
  


* * *

 

"Where do you keep getting them from?" Tony asked, only half joking as he accepted Steve's greeting hug. "You have a new one every time I visit but no space for me."

"You have two very suitable parents of your own, Tony, plus you're in college full time," Steve replied. He didn't add that Tony had his room set up long before Steve moved in. "This is Daisy, she's from St. Agnes."

"Hi, kidlet," Tony said, absently glancing over the little girl as his eyes scanned the lab's open door behind them. "Can I see the playroom now?"

"This is Tony, he's not so good in social situations," Steve confided to Daisy. She smiled and Tony rolled his eyes but didn't deny it. "And it's not a playroom."

"I know. It's where we moved the servers, the temperature control is perfect," she said boldly, beaming when Tony's eyes lit up in shock. "Matt helped me break in and Clint helped me rewire the circuit box."

"And where was I?"

"We told you we were moving them, we just didn't tell you where," Daisy replied.

"I like this one, you should buy her from the nuns," Tony laughed at Steve's betrayed expression.

"That's not how adoption works, Tony," he muttered. "I haven't been in here since you visited last time."

Daisy led the way, hopping to turn on the light switch and immediately powering up a computer station fitted with Hello Kitty scraps from one of his misguided art projects. Elektra and Benji were not Hello Kitty fans.

"What's all this?" Tony huffed, surprised.

Steve couldn't answer, the wires and computer chips looked like an accident waiting to happen but the screen lit up with lines of code.

"I want to make sure my backup batteries are online so you don't overload the fusebox."

“She’s great with computers,” Steve said.

"I'm bouncing a signal off the SHIELD guys that park their vans three blocks down, I can piggyback off their satellites and get access to so much more stuff," Daisy said with a smirk.

“She’s great with a lot more than computers, Cap, you’re just too much of a Luddite to spot genius when it’s in front of you,” Tony countered.

“That’s not nice,” Daisy spoke up. “I mean, I’m not sure what a Luddite is, but it doesn’t sound nice.”

“History lesson later, top level computer engineering now,” Tony directed her attention back to the monitor before turning back to Steve. “Why isn’t she on your permanent roster?”

“I can’t make promises like that. These things take time and she might find a family that’s better for her before -” Steve started in a low voice.

“She’s smart as shit, Cap, if they won’t let you have her, I’ll tell Howard to buy her as an investment for the Stark brand,” Tony cut him off.

“I don’t want to be a Stark,” Daisy frowned. “No offense, but rich people suck. Elektra’s okay, but most of them suck. The Sisters let me stay over here way more than they would anywhere else but they said if Cap takes on many more orphans, he’ll put them out of business.”

“Can’t fault their logic there,” Tony snickered. “But so far, he’s only taken in ones with special handling instructions and you, little duck, definitely need special handling. You have to keep that brain in good working order so I can hire you as soon as you get papers. She’s my prodigy, Cap, don’t you dare share her with Howard.”

“She’s nobody’s prodigy or property. She’s just Daisy,” Steve said, brushing his hand through her hair gently. “I’ve put in the paperwork for a full time place here, but it’s not an overnight thing.”

“I’ll make some calls,” Tony said.

Steve frowned at him but Daisy spoke up again. “Ew, I don’t want Stark germs on my receipt. Gross.”

“Okay, she’s now officially my favorite," Tony laughed.

"I'm not leaving you unattended with any of my children, finalized or not," Steve sighed.

"Does the young Mr. Stark come around often?" Bucky asked from the entrance with Clint and Natalia in tow.

Tony's eyes went wide with recognition and he immediately dropped down to Natalia's level. "They found - oh, good."

Bucky smiled and squeezed her curious shoulder. "That's your cousin Tony, well, back when you were small and his father and I were still on speaking terms - "

"Forget all that, nobody stays on speaking terms with Howard without breaks, hell, I haven't spoken to him since Christmas," Tony said absently, shaking her hand with a warm smile.

"Tony, I thought you guys were okay now," Steve frowned.

"My family issues are not your concern, Papa Bear, but Sarge, that's - this is great news," Tony said to Bucky.

"I'm going to live with Mr. Steven and his cats while my parents hunt monsters," Natalia said.

Daisy and Clint snickered at Steve's expression.

Tony glanced at Steve and then back at Bucky. "She'll be safe with Steve."

"I know. After you look at the kid's ears, maybe you can open this up and find what's wrong. It's not as quiet as it used to be and I'd rather have you look over it than deal with your old man," Bucky said, flashing his silver arm.

Steve hid his smile at Tony's fluttering from Bucky's compliment. The kid seemed to have a case of hero worship for Bucky Barnes even if his Captain America phase had fizzled out.

"I guess I'm staying for dinner," Tony said.

"We'll have Elektra add you to the menu plan," Daisy smiled.

"Tapas at my request," Natalia said. "I do not know what they are but Clint says they are fancy enough to please Elektra's refined pallet."

"Steve always requests tater tots so he's not allowed to make requests anymore," Clint added.

"Tater tots are totally refined. They're fancy potatoes," Steve corrected.

"Tapas tonight, tater tots later," Natalia decided. "I like potatoes, I think."

"I fixed it," Daisy announced, motioning for Tony to view the gibberish on the computer monitor. "You can do your science without messing with mine now."

"Dibs on that one, Cap, seriously," Tony said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This ends the bulk of what I had written out before I posted the first chapter. Cards out, the rest of what I have done is teenage angst and I'm not ready for all that because I want to play with the children a while. So here are some scenes of an outsider POV (hi, Bruce!) with the full household. Thanks so much for those of you that made it this far, I hope to have some Steve & Fam funtimes for you soon before I get into the woes of puberty.

  
_"Shh, it's okay, he's okay, see? He's getting better every day, please eat your tuna before I call your mother."_

Bruce opened his eyes and blinked at the young girl and gray cat sitting by a light blue door. Where the hell was he? Colorful paintings on pastel walls, soft blankets and massive fluffy pillows trapping him from the edges of the massive bed instead of railings with handcuffs.

The cat meowed plaintively, climbing onto the bed. Why did this cat seem familiar?

"Hi," the red-haired girl said, still by the door. "Name, rank and serial number, please. Or just proof of non-Hulk-ness, if that's easier."

The cat purred happily and licked at his face until he carefully moved it aside to face the girl, petting the animal absently. "Bruce. I'm - I don't remember much when I'm the big guy. Did I hurt anyone?"

"I don't care, you saved my cat. I'm Natasha. My uncle says it's not your fault so you're under his protection until you prove him wrong," she added.

"I should maybe speak to your uncle then," he said. She opened the door and he followed her and the kitten from the room.

_"No, they cannot legally charge Dr. Banner with a crime when he wasn't the one in control when the alleged assaults occurred but if you want me to bring proof of self-defense for every single one of them, I can do that.  I can also expose decades of military secrets about - that's what I thought. Yeah, Vasili's okay, so even if Banner wakes up angry, at least the green guy is a cat person."_

"Told you," Natasha said, smiling innocently when goddamned Captain America turned around to face them. "Dr. Banner's awake with steady vitals and will be joining you for brunch."

"You're not staying?" Bruce asked her. He had so many questions.

"I'm not a supersoldier that has to eat twelve times a day like a _baby_ or something," she said with a savage wink at her 'uncle' and disappeared with the magic cat.

"Call me when you've taken care of those things for me and maybe you'll get an invite to see the new science lab your son topped for us. Don't fuck this up." Captain Rogers lowered the phone and smiled at him. "Hi, Dr. Banner, I hope my niece didn't frighten you."

"Can I ask who you were defending my honor to before I ask what happened?" Bruce replied, shaking his hero and research subject's hand.

"Howard Stark and I are still friends despite his best efforts. I'm tangentially attached to SHIELD and have a little nostalgic pull in certain situations. General Ross was at fault for Harlem and your green-out this weekend was due to a splinter group of his minions that tailed you to a conference," Rogers explained. "My cats patrol the area and you wandered into our perimeter."

"What is this place?" Bruce asked, accepting that he'd be watching news footage later for guilt purposes.

"My home. I decided not to reenlist after they thawed me out a few years back, bought this place and ended up taking in some kids and some cats. When I got weird superpowers, I had good friends helping me out so I like to return the favor when I can."

Bruce considered it.

"They haven't filed any charges and I can get you a good lawyer but until then, are you hungry?" Rogers offered with an open expression.  
  


* * *

  
Captain America's kids were _nuts_. The blind one was in cahoots with the cats and a boy (that possibly lived in the walls) against the girls who seemed to be fully armed and trained in expert tickle tactics. Bruce wasn't sure Steve was aware of the battle that went on behind his back every time he turned away.

He'd been assigned an old cat named Dutch who had been asleep on his shoulders through his morning at the insane safe haven. He'd even given his scheduled lecture via internet with the guard feline in place.

It was legitimately the weirdest place he'd ever been but the Green guy was actually settled and silent when he closed his eyes. Not that he closed his eyes for long with the battle of the preteens ongoing around him.

_"This isn't a democracy! I formally object to this violation of my rights!"_

Bruce was curious enough to jostle the cat awake and followed the voice out of the common room to the classroom area where the Wall-Kid was facing down Steve, both with their arms crossed defiantly.

Natasha appeared at his side with a pleased smile. "An objective third party, perfect. You have a tie-breaker."

Steve gave him a frustrated look. "Sorry, Dr. Banner - "

"Bruce," he corrected. "What's the problem?"

"We're fine, Natasha, no need to be alarmed. It's still Clint's focus time," Steve said and the tiny redhead disappeared. "I try to give them each a few hours of solo time with them during the week since the house is filling up. Clint has been avoiding his slots."

Clint raised his chin. "I don't have to talk to you."

"What's this violation of rights I heard about?" Bruce asked, sensing Steve's endless patience finally breaking from the kid's pout.

"Doctor visits were not included in the requirements when I signed up for this," Clint said. "He can't just _all of a sudden_ order that I need more shots. The cats didn't get shots, Daisy and Natasha didn't get shots."

Minefield detected.

"You're not all the same. I'm not going to take you to the vet or to the gynecologist," Steve said. "You all need different things and I just got your file today."

Clint refused to look at him. "Stupid file. Barney didn't make me get shots. What's a gynecologist?"

"Don't compare me to Barney," Steve said after a beat. "Living with me isn't going to be like living with him, remember?"

The kid deflated slightly. "Sorry. I remember."

"I want you to be healthy and you've trusted me this far. A couple of shots might hurt a second or two, but I promise it's better than catching meningitis," Steve said.

"I've treated kids with that, it's not fun and they don't all have happy endings. Sorry to say I'm with the Cap on this one, Clint," Bruce said, sitting down. "But it's not the shots you don't like, is it?"

"They always find something to file a report on," Clint murmured.

"Things are different now. If they find something, I want them to report it so we can make it better," Steve said.

Clint shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with me, I just have bad ears. If they find anything else - it's just because I'm clumsy."

Steve laughed suddenly. "Maybe if 'clumsy' translated to 'my brother's an asshole' then some of that might be true. I need you healthy so you don't catch something and make the rest of the kids sick - just like I want them healthy so you don't get sick. Even if the docs find something that needs a 'report', we'll be able to fix it. Drugs, STD's, pica - "

He was shocked at Steve's bluntness but Clint was rapt with attention. "You know I don't get high and I haven't - I didn't have to do that other stuff 'cause you loaned me money that time."

"See? Two things already checked off in your imaginary report, so what else would you be worried about?" Steve smiled.

"What's pica?" Clint asked.

"It's when you eat things not meant to be eaten, it's sometimes linked to OCD. We talked about that, right?" Steve asked.

"Never touch your paints or your books or your dresser because order is very important," Clint recited. "It's okay to hide food if it helps us feel safe as long as it's non-perishable and not stolen."

"That wouldn't need to go in any report either since you're handling it already," Bruce said, impressed.

Clint shifted, anxious again. Bruce glanced at Steve for permission to take the lead in the impromptu therapy session. He rolled up his sleeve slowly to show his wrist and the faded circular cigar scars.

"When I get hurt now, everything fades when I go green, but the old stuff stuck," Bruce said carefully. "You can tell by the pattern and fading that it's old." He pushed it up to his elbow to show the more jagged of his collection. "Professionals can also tell whether the injuries were left untreated, or intentionally neglected."

Clint nodded slowly. "So the doctors will know that they're old and nobody will call the cops and get me in trouble. Even if they're worse than that?"

"Yeah. You've been staying in Matt's room," Steve added quietly. "Does he still wear a shirt to bed every night?"

"I've seen him change but I know better than to ask - oh.  Natasha would have questions, she's so jealous he's your favorite," Clint said absently. "I get it, though."

"Social services is out of the equation right now, no reports are going to the cops as long as I'm doing my job. Checkups are a regular thing around here, for everyone," Steve said. "Believe me, I'm not a fan of doctors either."

"I hate going to them and I am a doctor," Bruce confided.

"Okay. I'll get shots and do your checkups," Clint said. "I'm sorry for being a brat."

"So far, all of my kids are brats so it just means you're fitting in. Are we good?" Steve asked.

Clint nodded and stood up, giving him a hug. Bruce managed to hide his surprise when Clint hugged him as well before he darted out of the room.

"Now if I can just convince him to stop sleeping in the ceiling," Steve sighed.

"I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries there," he said.

"No, I would have kicked you out before that.  I appreciate the backup," Steve said. "A shit-ton of NDAs would be involved, but I'd like your professional opinion on one of my kids if you're interested."

"Which one?" Bruce asked, surprised. "Enhanced?"

"NDAs first. And maybe," Steve said.

"Is their pediatrician on SHIELD's payroll?"

Steve shrugged. "No, their doc's an ex-nun, lives with her wife out in Hell's Kitchen. She's on my payroll - I bought her practice to get her out of a loan shark's pocket. She's great, but she's not a geneticist."

"It's not my specialty," Bruce said but he didn't hide his interest. "My experiments didn't end the same as yours."

"I don't need you to do any experiments," Steve said sharply.

He winced at what he'd said. "That came out wrong, totally not what I meant."

"They're kids, not test subjects. Some of them might have started that way, but - "

"I want to help, Steve. I don't trust SHIELD, hell, I don't trust many government organizations and I know what they'll do to those kids if they get a whiff of anything 'enhanced'. Do you know about mutants?"

Steve relaxed. "Yeah, only a handful of people I served with are still alive, but I have friends in Westchester. Anonymous testing by a friend of a friend says none of my brood have the X-gene, but one of them has...something."

"NDAs first," Bruce said.

"Part of the deal is you can't use any research done on-site or related to my family for any contracts with SHIELD or the military now or in the future," Steve added.

"That won't be a problem. I don't have a lot of contracts coming my way that aren't asking for the big guy," Bruce replied.

"Howard's a fan. If he doesn't try to draft you for SHIELD, he'll try to sell you on Stark Industries. But I'll reimburse you for your time if you want to hang around and do a consult."

He studied Steve. "You trust me around your kids enough to invite me to hang around?"

 

* * *

 

Bruce hadn't been this entertained in years. **Years**.

"Guys, come on, I'm being serious here," Steve tried again, addressing his adorable gaggle of children.

"We'll behave, Steve, we're always good for company," Daisy said.

Steve shook his head. "That's not it. Howard's infuriating and insensitive and - he can be a jerk. But he's my friend. I know none of you are 'snitches' but I need you all to promise me that you won't retaliate. You will not replace his money with counterfeit bills. You will not put laxatives in his coffee or tacks in his chairs. You will not hack his IRS records and get him audited. You will not change his travel plans to send him to the Mojave. Are you getting all this?"

Bruce laughed and quickly covered his mouth when Steve rounded on him. "Sorry, just, they're perfect little angels." The assorted children put on cherubic smiles.

"Not even the Sisters believe that anymore," Steve replied, turning back to the kids. "I'm really serious about this. Howard's my friend - "

"Father hates him," Natasha said.

"Tony, too," Daisy backed her up.

"It is our personal right to defend your honor as you defend ours," Elektra added with a determined nod.

"Why aren't you lecturing him about being nice to us?" Clint asked.

"Because he doesn't lash out with pranks when people are impolite to him," Steve sighed. Ah, history established.

"Neither do we - you only have circumstantial evidence and our alibis are solid," Matt countered.

"Excuse me," Bruce said suddenly, hurrying out of the room because he couldn't fight his laughter anymore.

"He's my friend," Steve said quietly and the children settled. "You don't have to like him but he's an important part of my life and I want him to feel comfortable visiting without fear of boobytraps."

"We agree to your terms on a probationary basis," Matt said as Bruce stepped back in, composed.

"Be very glad that they like you," Steve said under his breath.

 

**Author's Note:**

> TItle and lyric tag belong to Damien Rice.


End file.
